Submerged.

The Four Seasons

It was always a hot summer

In the days we used to play

I could say it doesn't matter

But I'd give me all away

Now an autumn has passed and another one, too,

There will be many springs now,

All without you

Our old Kansas winters won't see you again

And neither will I

Till my seasons end

What hurts selfish me is not that you've gone,

But that I am still here,

And I'm all alone.

Spring, winter, and fall run into each other

I hope where you are it is one endless summer.

Paullina Simons

Author of 'Tully', The International Bestseller

I must admit my first impression of the book was not a huge one. But somehow Tully sucked me in and now I'm already halfway through her life's story. I like the author's attention to certain details. Her distinct style of describing people's emotions is crackerjack! From the way Natalie Ann Makker endured an abusive childhood to her transformation into a tough and rebellious young lady, Paullina Simons captures a (so far, at page 255 out of 600 over pages) tragic novel set in the 1970s about love, loss, restrictions and choices that envelope three girls' lives.

At this point I have learnt from the novel that courage and strength are such important elements for human beings to survive. Even then, possessing them both consumes a lot of energy and in the end, leaves the idea of life not well lived.

Moral of the story? Be thankful I have never been abused. :P ...I'm actually not kidding though. Innocent children technically parentless (in other words having parents with no hearts) are experiencing purgatory which really does not differ from that sufferred by young victims of slavery / genocide / discrimination / labour etcetera, etcetera.

So, for those of you who can only read or listen about the distress and agony of such people, count your blessings daily. No doubt our everyday problems are extensive enough to make us want to pull our hair out, cut ourselves (Shout out to a certain someone, I hope you've stopped the gross habit), cry until the well of tears dry up, or even jump off a building (which happened to more than enough overly stressed students in Malaysia). Nevertheless you can always be grateful you were / are not subjected to aforementioned misery.

Anyway, back to the book ! Aaaand credits to my darling sister, Melissa for quenching my boredom with the few new novels you've bought.

(:

Swing Low, Sweet;

Do I care that this is the fifth post today? Nope ! * With the popping of the 'p' *

I, for precision's sake, would want you to note that the time displayed beneath every post is still set to the Malaysian clock. It is approximately half past midnight over here, don't be fooled.

http://tryalittletenderness.tumblr.com/post/1692131573

Just a little reminder to myself that Valentine's Day was also the first day of orientation. My phone was unusually silent and msn messenger did not work then. A quiet time alone with my thoughts sharing my love that were unable to reach people's ears or eyes but hopefully were able to reach their hearts. xx

Happy Belated Valentine's.

I also forgot to bring my silver notebook which I haven't touched for months. I'm in dire need of it because lately i've had many insights (lying in bed trying to sleep because counting sheep never worked) and I forget them the moment more punch in.

I tell myself to write them down the next morning in this notebook I brought (because getting out of bed is not an option as it will only intensify my consciousness) but by then my memory fails me. Sad face.

No wonder I have nothing to offer in this pitiful brimming-with-depression blog. :P

TayTay and NatNat

Currently listening to: Storm by Lifehouse

I love Lifehouse (: Who doesn't? Their songs even helped Cookie bag second prize in the 31st Annual SEA Forensics tournament. Solo Acting yo !

I miss cookie. I miss cookie's weird obsessions. I miss cookie's teasing. Terrible seriously-gets-under-your-skin kinda teasing. I miss cookie's self-destruct button. I miss cookie's sudden gush of words and strings of elaborated (sometimes just a bit twisted) opinions. I miss cookie's exaggerated dreams / complaints / descriptions of anything. I miss cookie's texts that are so odd and amusing. I miss cookie's texts that are sometimes not deserving of a reply but that remind me I'm never forgotten. I miss cookie asking me to hang out every single time he's free and never considers whether I am or not, or how difficult it was for me to. I miss cookie making empty promises like making me French dinners. I miss cookie's inflammatory insults. I miss cookie's methods of cheering me up. I miss cookie's reassurance that he'll never forget me and his confidence that I'll one day see him on the streets going, 'Eh you look familiar, were you the college's janitor or something?'. I miss cookie's intelligent eyes. I miss cookie's inability to lose temper.

Omg I miss cookie ):

I forgot to bring my poem collection !!!

Noooooooooooooo ):

Salvation.

Alright alright. Let me break it down for you.

I currently am in a tiny, serene city of South Australia, and I've only been here for a week. Everything is tranquil, I have been generously assisted by an elderly woman, the public transportation services surpass the kind I've lived with for 18 plus years, the sky is unbelievably clear, dodgy people cease to infiltrate the streets, shades are a must-have, and there is hardly any litter to be seen.

And yet I absolutely detest it all.

Certainly do not wish to sound ungrateful, but it feels more of a trap than ever; than I'd expected. Don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful place. Speaking of beautiful, my sleep has been an ugly stepsister (take your pick, I think both of them were just as evil). I wake a countless number of times every night without fail, and it's not fun because streetlights are scarce and pitch black is all I see, give or take few tiny streaks of light.

Maybe I'm just the type of person who takes light years to adapt to change, although people have pointed out the contrary. Maybe if 2010 (mmmm (: ) did not happen I wouldn't feel as I do now. Everything is so... foreign. On the second night I was here in the exact same spot, hunched over a sturdy study table, almost too absorbed in surfing the net that the sound of vehicles zooming past seemed so ordinary. Then I lift my eyes off the Mac and stare through the blinds and out of the sliding window. Different. I'm not in Malaysia, the cars speeding by are not plated with the prefix 'W'. The drivers are mostly Australians. I'm in a seat that does not have a green back and thick, black legs. I don't like the feeling. Not the slightest bit.

I swore new and worthy experiences will come my way whilst I'm 3472 miles away from the people I love and I've come to love in the past year (Of which I regret not celebrating by attending the SAM Awards Ceremony held on 14th January '11 for selected SAM graduates of 2010). I will honour my promise, I promise. (: Or rather pray.

Ps. Even my music is against me. Dear I-pod, I hope I can find you new songs soon.

Pps. Soon = indefinite duration.

Ppps. I hear there are some extremely decent dessert places here, SO... Scrumptious Delectable Desserts ! I will conquer you so at the very least my stomach (and my taste buds) will triumph. Take that, foreign place I'm in ! (;

My best memory of what I've left behind? Okay maybe not best but definitely making it to the list: KLIA on the 12th of February, 7:32 p.m. (: (: (:

I miss everything there is to miss in a place that makes me feel nothing but this.

hiiiiiiii

i cant even do msn

i dont know what's wrong

HAPPY VALENTINES ADDY

happy beelated valentine's

hellooooo

hiiiii

LOL

so whats new??

it's so hard to sleep

awww, why

like i turn my i-pod on but instead of sending me to sleep, it feels wrong because the room's pitch dark, there's no sound of the fan / air-cond, the bed and pillow is all not right

then i hear cars passing by while using my laptop

and for moments i get so absorbed with what im doing that the sound of the road feels normal, but after a while i realize it's just foreign, everything is foreign

u'll get used to it

and you freaking made me cry when i read all the tiny notes, in the small room-to-be-mine

so are u living on campus??

awww

hehehe, i hope u like it

im sorry if the christmas ball i made looked ugly

my silver pen was like empty

i was sitting on the floor like a sad little piece of miserable ting

*thing